I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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