We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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