so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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