I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
