She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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