mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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