my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Umm I'm too high to move.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
