Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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