I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
