The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
