dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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