Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
