mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
