remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
