she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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