i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize