she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
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I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
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I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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