good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
