happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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