You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
