You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You smell like stripper and shame
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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