don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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