just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
