what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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