dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize