finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I FOUND THE LEGS
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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