I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
