I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
