do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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