the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
