every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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