I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
