I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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