I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize