I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
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I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
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Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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