I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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