i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The air taste purple.
Randomize
