She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
