Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
