I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
