No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Randomize
