worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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