Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sext me about skeletons
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
