I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
