And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
