we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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