My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
