I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
