Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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