not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
