that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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