john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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