I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
