My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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