so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
did you just send me my own nude
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
