I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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