There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
