Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Is it penis luge time yet?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
