I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
