the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
