If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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