i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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