I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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