I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
