I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
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He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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