Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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