put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Enjoy the penises
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
