mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
